i think people dont realize how hard it is to convey. we speak, we portray, but conveying means that there is weight to the things we say, in hopes that something is awaken for the listener to realize and understand your thoughts. maybe it’s just my situation then.

opening up is so difficult. it took alot of me to say, because my anxiety holds me back from ever speaking my mind. and i guess it builds up. i find it hard to get up everyday, to open my eyes. it’s all so heavy. and i feel so helpless sometimes. in happy moments, it creeps like the wind, reminding me that it’ll never leave me, and that it’s always here to stay. and it frightens me, because will i ever feel whole? i cant remember who i was before this. and it gets me so frustrated that i cant enjoy happiness for a short moment of time before being reminded of it.

and i guess im just tired. ive been battling it for a long time. i want to rest. but im running out of strength, and im sinking into the pit lower everyday. and im not sure if i can resurface in time to save myself.