Tuesday, September 15, 2015, 10:27 PM
growing up
right so i had to get this off my chest because it has been bothering me so much. i know this blog is meant to be on hiatus but im eventually gonna have to break it now because of my thoughts.
recently, it has occurred to me that im graduating in 3 weeks. 3. fucking. weeks. i honestly do not know how to feel about this. i remember that 3 weeks mightve seem such a long time, yet alone a month but when you're busy studying and resting and preparing, time whizzes past so fast that 3 weeks seemed to have died down to 1. futhermore, Os are a mere month away and i dont know which one i should be more afraid of. it's like a constant reminder that i have to grow up so abruptly when in the beginning of the year we're still being taught on sexual education.
i find it hard to comprehend that time is so short that you don't even know it. you feel it but you don't notice it. i hate that. i hate that it felt like January yesterday and i blinked and its gonna be a month to my national exams. i couldn't but more importantly i didn't want to believe that im being forced to become a young adult so sudden in this speck of time. i still feel like an 8 year old, following directions and asking for help because i couldn't even take up the damn courage to ask for a fucking plastic bag at a restaurant.
what's worst, i regretted not listening to what my cousins and my brothers hd to say. that when they stated 'man i wish i was in school, having a job sucks' i should have just stayed silent instead of going 'but isnt it the same?'. of course its not! the environment is so foreign to me that i was too quick to make an assumption that work life is easier than school life. i never had first hand experience of what it's like working in an office, i had a vague idea but other than that, apparently school was more of a burden to me. and here i am now, regretting that i never got to TRULY cherish the moments with my schoolmates. although now, my class has really bonded and we all have this silent motive to really absorb what is left before we all don't see each other till next January briefly, and then maybe never again. we don't say it, but hell we feel it. we don't want to admit that we're gonna miss the heck out of each other, we don't want to admit that we're gonna miss picking on the rest of the classmates and doing our crazy antics that only probably 4E does.
if i could stop time or maybe even rewind it, i'd stop it at this exact time. maybe make a paradox out of it. to stay like this forever. because at this time, we're so vulnerable, so lost, so fragile that we hold each other more tightly than ever and forgetting that at this point, that tomorrow, that the future awaits us as adults. because even if we don't admit it, hell we'd sell our souls to live this moment for eternity if given the chance.