no one reads this blog anyways so wth im just gonna go ahead and type down what i feel . stressed out these days because all my 'friends' seems to be talking behind me and have no guts to talk it out in front of me . been playing this charade for so long that i dont think i could keep it up anymore . im really on the verge of just saying out loud but because of my bipolar self and the constant swings of my emotions , im torn apart of not doing it when i really want to . my mind keeps messing with me and shit and i cant think straight . i dont know what to do anymore at this point . i only got like two people on my side and we're not that close anymore but its good to know someone supports me . but i just cant anymore . filled up with burden and hate and i feel so useless and im so tired with all these emotional strains i cant keep up with life anymore . scared for oblivion but i just wanna escape everything . move to a new life and start a fresh . but i cant .